Mean Girls.

Yesterday i dreamt of Dila. Or Dilly, as i used to call her. She was probably thinking of me. Thats what the theory about dreams is anyway, i dont know..not sure. I miss her. I miss her alot actually, i think about her sometimes. How is she now. What is she working as. How's her family. How are things with her and aiz. She was so much fun. Alot of fun. She was funny probably just as i was and we cracked up alot from our own jokes. At ntuc last time when we sat beside each other, we probably laugh more than we did our work. We would laugh till our tummies burst and we would hold on to each others hands for dear life and laugh till tears came out. Haha. Till i had to change seats bcos i wasnt hitting my target. That bad.

But after what happen, i dont even know whether our friendship was sincere. She would be fun and funny, and then 5 minutes later criticise me. Mostly about everything under the sun. Criticized about how i look, how she's sick of me always meeting my boyfriend, about praying (so if i have blonde hair/smoke, im not supposed to pray?) about my mom being a religious teacher (my mom is my mom, and i am me. So if your mom is a cleaner, you'd have to be a cleaner too when you grow up? Or if your mom is a cleaner, you need to clean the streets whenever you see rubbish, and if you dont, you're being contradicting bcos your mom is a cleaner and you HAVE to clean just like your mom. Or is it?), about the time when she found out that if go out with my mom to family events, i would wear a headscarve (wow, the creative words she used to criticize me about that subject was unbelievable) .. alot of snide remarks and she would have this real minah smirk on her face whenever she would tell me off. And then suddenly, she's fun and funny again. Yup.. confusing. Not really Jekyll and Hyde, but almost. So WHY didnt i just dont be friends with her anymore, you would ask. Well, its not that easy when you're working in the same office, smoke with the same people and she IS alot of fun and i actually have a super good tolerance level (BELIEVE ME, i DO). So i was able to actually AND stupidly tolerate her mean remarks about me.

So here's how the game works: They can call me names but i cant. And when they call me names its hard to tell whether it was said in a joking manner, or whether its fact bcos they said it with a smirk, so there's no way to tell. There was one time when we were joking around and i was like " Hahahaaa! Mak kau peh puki sial!" i shouted at Fida, Dila's cousin also known as Dila Number 2/Dila's sidekick/Dila's religious sect follower/Etc. Well, apparently i know we dont play moms but ive been told pukimak kau by them hundreds of times, and well.. knowing me and my mouth, vulgarity is nothing. So after i said that, Fida got angry and scolded me (and i really mean scold me with the face angry and the finger pointing at me) saying "puki MAK kau balek arh eh!". And why does this have anything to do with Dila is bcos Dila either ignored (which is actually the same as encouraging her cousin to step on my head) or she would do the same thing too.

So "the end" came when this one time, i was joking around with another staff, who called Fida 'Ugly Betty'. Well who wouldnt actually. That day she was wearing a baby pink dress with black patterns on it and a shiny red shoe with gold buckles and a matching shiny red handbag.. yeah, with gold buckles too. And a gold chain..hanging on the bag. Anyway Fida is known for her crazy and orbit (very) style. Once she dyed her hair turqouise and someone called it an algae sitting on top of her head. Some called her Captain Planet.. if you know the cartoon. She changed hair colours just like she change.. her underwear? So yeah. So i also called he 'ugly betty' that day, jokingly (i swear to god, i was joking). And at the end of the day, we would always go to the 2nd level toilet to touch up (dont know what the hell for, we were going home) and i talked to the both of them, Dila and Fida as per normal. But they didnt seem like they want to talk to me. I looked at Fida, she turned to me and her eyes were red - she was crying. I think i went like 'hey are you ok.. eh sorry lah Param tu memang siak panggil2 kau Ugly Betty'. And she went like "die tak panggil aku kalau KAU tak start dulu!' And i was like 'Wow'.

The thing that kept going on my mind for the next few days after the 'toilet scene' was: You CRIED bcos someone called you ugly. And you and your cousin have actually called me worse AND many times. Bebe knows, i seek comfort from him all the time, i cried alot when they say mean things about me, so bebe got upset when he found out i still (stupidestly) went out with them.

After that, Fida didnt talk to me, i didnt too. I got fed-up. It was just too much. And Dila pretended like nothing happen. She said what happened to me and Fida isnt any of her concern. Which actually is. Bcos i got fed-up with her too for saying so many mean things to me/about me and at the same time, she didnt do anything to reconcile the tension between me and Fida - which i think she should.

I was actually emotionally and mentally ruined by their remarks and their Jekyll and Hyde personality, that i quit the job. And on the day that ive decided to quit, i was wearing this black blouse with white polka-dots on it (ok i will NEVER wear it again, cos prints make me look pregnant LOL) and i was wearing my usual green jacket over it so the blouse got big at the bottom and i actually looked funny in the whole outfit, but of course i couldnt care less, im in the office for god's sake. Fida, actually proceeded to create a blog - a new blog, which Sooey found out for me (smart) and i got to read it.

And entry, dated on the day that i was leaving, read something like: Today someone looks like a clown. Bla bla bla (more mean remarks) bla bla...
And of course, even an idiot would know that the entry was for me.

After that i wrote and entry about them in my previous blog, and they got to know about it, and Dila called me while i was at my cousin's wedding. I had to go to a room and lock myself in bcos we both we shouting at the top of their voices on the phone. I didnt want to cry, bcos its a sign of weakness, but i did. I broke down. And all i heard on the other end were denials and kept professing how good was she as my friend. I told her something about, not laughing together but they were actually laughing at me. It really is that way.

Now that ive remembered everything.. i dont think i miss her that much now.